Lost in Chicago

Like most people from China, I came to the new land as Columbus to discover the new world several years ago and to live my American Dream. But no matter how hard I try, I still cling to Chinese culture and the native land is always with me. It might be because I was born in China and lived there over thirty years. Also, five thousand years history has given me great cultural experience and enjoyment. At the end of this month, I will have lived in Chicago for two years and three months. The difference in culture and customs has always made me crazy, but I also learn a lot from it.

Suitable greeting method is an important beginning to meet someone new. A kiss on the cheek is a common greeting gesture in western countries. But Chinese people are used to nodding because a kiss on the cheek could represent “love”. In general, it is reserved for either couples or for the parents and the babies. Couples are rarely kissed in cheek on the public. The action is reserve in private for the traditional Chinese people. In the view of others, it is still considered shameful. Interestingly, a bride and a bridegroom will be required to kiss each other to prove they love each other by guests in their wedding. It also means they will begin a new relationship at that moment. They could call each other “darling” which is generally only reserved for husband or lover. Thus, at the beginning living in the U.S, I was so embarrassed by people who kindly kissed my cheek and hugged me. However, now I can accept a kiss on my cheek as a greeting naturally from foreigners, and still nod or shake hand with my Chinese friends when we meet each other. Different greeting method has made me comfortable in communication after I understood the difference between Chinese and American customs.

Some etiquette often touched me. According to Chinese custom, people are expected to respect and do things for elders. Children are taught by parents, seniors and teachers to do things for the elderly, such as opening the door, offering a Seat in the bus or passing a glass of tea at home. It is one of reflections from a crucial traditional virtue, which is named “respecting the old and loving the young”. For example, on the bus, there are some seats that are designated for elders and children, and the old people’s tickets are free when they ride on a bus if they can show their ID to a worker. I didn’t understand why in the U.S. an old gentleman, who could needs to a cane just to walk was opening a door for me, a middle age woman. For me, a Chinese woman who always lived in traditional Eastern country in the past, I felt shameful when I entered into the doors the seniors were opening for me here. But, more often, I still can’t help opening the door quickly for the seniors and felt comfortable in this kind action. Of course, if the service is done by young gentlemen for me, I will feel honored to walk into the doors with a polite sound of thank you. It is the same privilege for Chinese and American women.

Understanding and respecting individual privacy are helpful in Western civilization. For Chinese people, privacy means there is something dirty people are trying to hide, or they are associated with something like a sex affair. Except for these things, friends will communicate openly and without reservation to each other. When friends face difficulties, we expected friend will ask for help by telling us what difficulty they are facing. It is because in Chinese culture, people think helping friends is a natural thing and it isn’t necessary to announce it. However, if you speak about what you think and then do it, the action is contrary to behavior people will respect in the low-profile. You should be humble and not broadcast to everyone when you help some other people. That is the correct way to help other people. For instance, in China my friend’s mother entered into a hospital for serious heart-disease several years ago. After my friend mentioned to a few friends and I found out it, we decided to contribute money to our poor friend. When we told the news to some friends, they were willing to help our friend too. Soon, money and goods arrived at her home. She was so surprised and appreciated our action very much. To us, helping each other is a common thing to do. Nevertheless, my American friend told me that my friend’s mother situation could involve an issue of “privacy”, I shouldn’t inform others because I didn’t be consented by my friend and her mother. Besides, Even if I had a good idea to help them, it is possible to invade their privacy. I was totally lost when the America pointed out that I was “invading their privacy”. Therefore, when I try to help some friends who are suffering, I begin giving up the best Chinese way, which is never to tell people if you want to help them---just do it, but it is first to report them on what I want to do for their difficulties. Maybe it is different to understand the “privacy” in the two types of cultures.

Here, my life has changed so much. I began to accept a kiss in my cheek as a greeting. Also, some etiquette often touched me. It was the most important that I learned how to understand and respect individual privacy better. Actually, sometimes I have been treated as an uneducated woman, because I am not good at English. But I was a teacher for many years. However, I have been giving a lovely image of U.S. to my parents and friends in China, but in the end, nothing can replace China for me as my first and proud motherland.